anon blogging at elowel.org  Write anonymous post
TMI 06-26-11 17:48
Been feeling a little down the last few days. I think there are a few facets to it, but it boils down to the fact that I’m in a weird transition phase of life.

This is the last summer month I will ever really have off. Next year, I will study for boards and (hopefully) start a job…that I will be at for an indefinite amount of time.

My two closest girlfriends don’t invite me to things anymore. Sure, when I call them up because I’m having a bad day or to see if they are free we can usually find time to see each other or talk…but the chances of them ever calling me are slim to none. They hang out often, but never call me. I really don’t blame them. Things just change and evolve. I suppose it is because of how chaotic my last year of school was. I was such a hermit, and I drifted a little to those closest to me. I just miss them a lot. I miss feeling close.

One of two girlfriends I made in pharmacy school has moved out west for good. The other is a busy bee, so seeing either of them is near impossible.

My closest guy friend, besides my husband, is really someone I have a rocky relationship with. He has treated me poorly in the past, and I still feel an edge around him that I can’t shake. I get angry and snap at him when he is completely innocent, just because of that. Not to mention, we are his only friends in town. That adds a whole new dimension to the mess.

To top it all off, right now, my husband and I are in a weird place. He told me he just feels stagnate. He said it’s not with me…but I can feel it. I thought my heart literally broke in two last night when I told him I felt that he didn’t love me as much as when we first met and he said nothing. Later he insisted that that wasn’t true…and I pray that it’s not. I know we’ll get through this hurdle, but it’s just not us right now.

Thank goodness for my family. I don’t see them as much as I’d like, but I see them a lot. My baby nephew is the most perfect little light in my life. My mom is my rock. My dad always makes me happy and is proud of me. My sister is my role model. I love my family so much.

A week from tomorrow I start a new phase of school. Maybe it will be good to keep my mind off things again, although I’ll miss my time off.

I just don’t know what life has in store for me. I’m ready for new friends, closer relationships with the ones I have, renewed passion with my husband, and a job that makes me feel like I’m doing something for someone.